Living 2 lives....my crazy gay world

I am a gay woman, who was living a "straight" life. I worked for a rather large company of which I have never told anyone there I am gay. Let me make this very clear that was is a "straight" environment if you know what I mean.

Let me explain a little further.........

My first day on the job, I overheard a couple of employees laughing over an openly gay person that they know. You know, mocking them that they hold their breath while standing next to this person, and that they tighten their ass when they walk by.

Later that week I went out with a couple of new co-workers. Once again, the gay subject came up. This time it was "dykes" making out. The comment was of course was that these "dykes" need a good C@#k to turn em straight. And that the hot lesbians can "make out" with each other, and that they are really straight on the inside. (I know... it's appalling)

Both situations made me feel very uncomfortable and insecure about being open with my own sexuality. Thus, I chose to not let anyone know about me, in fear they would react in a similar negative manner.

Since I do not take on the so called "description" of a lesbian; they all assumed that I was straight. I played it off in a very nonchalant manner; Only laughing along with them about their heterosexual relationships, and straight oriented emails.

I was constantly hit on (not in a harassing manner...what can I say, I don't look "gay") by the bosses son, nephew, brother, cousin, or just in general by employees.

After being there for some time, questions began to arise about why I was not in a relationship. I usually avoided it by changing the subject, or simply saying that I do not want to be tied down, or I hate relationships, or I love my freedom, etc.

The TRUTH is, and little did they know that, not only am I in a relationship but, I was married in Canada that December of my first year on the job.

The people I befriended were always trying to set me up with "the man of my dreams". Each time I would decline, or find an excuse for why I was not interested.

Day to day activities with this job became more and more difficult.... playing the single straight girl who is secretly gay, and married.

Post work functions became a chore. I never showed up with a date, when clearly I would be able to easily get one. Holiday, and black tie, and other mandatory events were taking a strain on me. I became extremely stressed over the situation.

I began to think..."What did I do?" "What Have I gotten myself into?" "How can I be honest with the people I befriended here?" "What will they think if I tell them." "Will they feel betrayed?"

Finally one day, the bosses son, who by the way is a big mouth, asked me if I was gay.
I did not know what to say.
I felt that maybe I should be honest. I told him that yes, I have been with women, and that I am seeing someone now. (I never said I was married).

Of course he told his father, and anyone else who had ears.

Slowly but surely, I was "uninvited" to company events. For example, my whole department is sent on a couple conventions every year. Everyone was invited except for me. It had nothing to do with performance, or anything. I noticed less and less eye contact in my office with me. I felt a general sense of disrespect, and whispers as I would walk by.

A month later for no reason, I was layed off, with a few weeks of severance pay. I was never given a reason why. They simply called me in one day and was told that I was being let go. All of my reviews for the past 3 years had been absolutely gleaming with excellent employee reports (prior to my "outing" by the bosses son.)

Don't get me wrong...it was a blessing in disguise. Although bitter as to WHY I was let go, It got me out of a strange situation.


The moral of the story:

Yes I am queer. Yes I am here. Whether you are honest about your sexuality from day one or not, Some people still just don't understand about sexuality; even in 2008.

If you have a story, please share it with me. I would love to hear from you.