Living 2 lives....my crazy gay world

I am a gay woman, who was living a "straight" life. I worked for a rather large company of which I have never told anyone there I am gay. Let me make this very clear that was is a "straight" environment if you know what I mean.

Let me explain a little further.........

My first day on the job, I overheard a couple of employees laughing over an openly gay person that they know. You know, mocking them that they hold their breath while standing next to this person, and that they tighten their ass when they walk by.

Later that week I went out with a couple of new co-workers. Once again, the gay subject came up. This time it was "dykes" making out. The comment was of course was that these "dykes" need a good C@#k to turn em straight. And that the hot lesbians can "make out" with each other, and that they are really straight on the inside. (I know... it's appalling)

Both situations made me feel very uncomfortable and insecure about being open with my own sexuality. Thus, I chose to not let anyone know about me, in fear they would react in a similar negative manner.

Since I do not take on the so called "description" of a lesbian; they all assumed that I was straight. I played it off in a very nonchalant manner; Only laughing along with them about their heterosexual relationships, and straight oriented emails.

I was constantly hit on (not in a harassing manner...what can I say, I don't look "gay") by the bosses son, nephew, brother, cousin, or just in general by employees.

After being there for some time, questions began to arise about why I was not in a relationship. I usually avoided it by changing the subject, or simply saying that I do not want to be tied down, or I hate relationships, or I love my freedom, etc.

The TRUTH is, and little did they know that, not only am I in a relationship but, I was married in Canada that December of my first year on the job.

The people I befriended were always trying to set me up with "the man of my dreams". Each time I would decline, or find an excuse for why I was not interested.

Day to day activities with this job became more and more difficult.... playing the single straight girl who is secretly gay, and married.

Post work functions became a chore. I never showed up with a date, when clearly I would be able to easily get one. Holiday, and black tie, and other mandatory events were taking a strain on me. I became extremely stressed over the situation.

I began to think..."What did I do?" "What Have I gotten myself into?" "How can I be honest with the people I befriended here?" "What will they think if I tell them." "Will they feel betrayed?"

Finally one day, the bosses son, who by the way is a big mouth, asked me if I was gay.
I did not know what to say.
I felt that maybe I should be honest. I told him that yes, I have been with women, and that I am seeing someone now. (I never said I was married).

Of course he told his father, and anyone else who had ears.

Slowly but surely, I was "uninvited" to company events. For example, my whole department is sent on a couple conventions every year. Everyone was invited except for me. It had nothing to do with performance, or anything. I noticed less and less eye contact in my office with me. I felt a general sense of disrespect, and whispers as I would walk by.

A month later for no reason, I was layed off, with a few weeks of severance pay. I was never given a reason why. They simply called me in one day and was told that I was being let go. All of my reviews for the past 3 years had been absolutely gleaming with excellent employee reports (prior to my "outing" by the bosses son.)

Don't get me wrong...it was a blessing in disguise. Although bitter as to WHY I was let go, It got me out of a strange situation.


The moral of the story:

Yes I am queer. Yes I am here. Whether you are honest about your sexuality from day one or not, Some people still just don't understand about sexuality; even in 2008.

If you have a story, please share it with me. I would love to hear from you.

Gay and Marriage

One of the questions I am frequently asked by straight couples is: " is being in a gay marriage any different than being in a straight marriage?" and "Do one of you take on the 'masculine roll'?". It is always entertaining to have such interest and wonder of same sex culture.

To be honest, being in a gay marriage is really not different than being in a straight marriage, especially when it comes to house duties.

Gay or straight, both couples take on, and in most cases share daily house duties.
Like a straight marriage, in a gay marriage one person may take on one specific roll above another. For instance, one may cut the lawn, take out the trash, and do the general home repairs; while the other will attend to the laundry, cooking, and cleaning more often.
This however, does not mean that in the gay relationship one is more masculine/ feminine than the other. This is not to say that stereo-types do not exist. They do.

In my experience, I have found that many gay couples, seem to share the tasks more equally than many straight couples. As a not so stereotypical feminine gay woman who happens to be married, I can tell you that both my partner and I take turns sharing our household duties.

My partner and I hate house work; aka the evil necessity of a pretty place. Believe me when I say if we could hire a maid, we would. We try to be a bit creative when it comes to doing work and often place friendly bets during some of our many card games we play. Instead of money, we wager house duties. It makes mundane house tasks a bit more bearable; not to mention really fun when you bet on and win who takes the trash out for the next week.

As far as gender rolls go, I think it's pretty safe to say that neither one of us takes on a specific roll as a man and woman would. We share and share alike.

Aside from tasks, the toughest part about being in a gay marriage is the lack support from our own government. ( I am pretty sure I am not the only one out there who is gay and married). I am also so disgusted at the absolute ignorance our society at this day and age. People are ignorant if they do not understand. That is why I am here to share all of my experiences so others can learn that we are people too, doing the same thing as straight families...every single day.